White dove on my windowsill


“I am peace and calm itself. So that everything I do think and feel, flows forth naturally out of this divine state. Manifesting God’s will always. And under all circumstances: always radiating only positive giving forces of divine love” – C. Lunden (Ascension prayer)

 

I started on my spiritual journey on accident really. One day I kept feeing this..well only way to describe it is “Void, Emptiness, and a deep Need for more”. I rarely get that feeling but when I do I usually do something that will cause serious adrenaline rushes or take long nature walks. Then the feeling dissipates. Well not this time and this time it came back with a vengeance. Long story short I ended up at the book store, found this book called animal reiki, decided not to buy it, put the book back on the shelf, and the book fell off the shelf. I picked it up and put it back. The book fell off again and a lady asked if she could read it so I said oh sure I’m not buying it. I found something else, decided to sit, and read a bit. As I sat, my chest kept getting this nervous/agitated feeling, I seen the lady enjoying the book, and it made me mad. I’m so confused at this point since I don’t want the book but my entire body told me other wise. This part of me I call my intuition. Later I found out my intuition has a name “Emerald”. So the lady puts the book back, I retrieve it , and head to the check out line. I start skimming pages and seen that there’s classes held down the street from my parents house. Healing Touch Reiki center to teach & become attuned so you can pass the healing touch energy to others. I ended up going to level 1, became attuned, practiced on my dog, he loved it, and from that day my life changed. The deep uncomfortable feeling wasn’t of me needing to buy material things, it was my soul doing all it could to get me to shift onto a different path, and it was time. I’m now a Usui reiki master teacher, Kundlini master, amongst many many others healing modalities. I love how my intuition which my mom would call “common since” is always there whether I consciously listened or not I was always being lead on the right path. Of course I would stray but as soon as I said “I need help” it seemed like all of the signs instantly stood in my face and I was guided to what I was looking for.

 

-Seek and You shall find-

 

For Years I’ve been lead to different spiritual teachers to help me flourish in my intuitive-psychic arts. I even put up a website for clients which I love soooo much and miss. I had to remove my site since I actually started going to college, money, and upkeep of the site became too much for me. My heart sank when I had to tell my clients who became family to me what I had to do. We still keep in contact I just do spot readings. I found that I love working with Angels, we all have our definition of what Angels are to us, and I found that I’ve always worked with them. For me they’re not winged or any fairytale like that. I speak to spirit like I would any person on the street and they still respond with love. There are many others that pop in too help when need be, like everyone we all have helpers on the other side, whether you believe it, see it, feel it, or not. When you need help they hop in, synchronicity, coincidences, things showing up, dreams, or even help from others inadvertently. Actually the way I see it (my opinion) they rather help someone who don’t care about stuff like this because they know you get YOU GET IT. I’m still like this, I still 2nd guess, or say to myself or others what a “coincidence”. It’s life shit happens but I can see it’s easier when I do ask for help before I’m in too deep. It’s a muscle you gotta work it continuously and Trust.

 

As I’m writing this the dove from this afternoon who keeps flying, coming back, is back again. Just sitting looking around and I’m thinking what the hell do you want? The bird is very peaceful to look at. I know some people believe this can be a symbol for death but it never had been for me. This past week I’ve been praying for help (I’m actually comfortable now using the word prayer fluidly) I just say “I need help with ___”. To me this bird is here to symbolize I’m always being heard, spirit is here even when I feel/see the rich getting more, and I’m being dragged under. Yes it’s extreme what I wrote but I write exactly how I feel in the moment. Doing your bills, buying groceries, & looking at your bank account will make you feel like this. Like I said that’s my sense but I haven’t asked my spirit team yet. The way I ask or talk to them is the same way you have thoughts run inside your head. Telepathy. They just use my own voice (which I wish they wouldn’t because I rather hear a different voice) but they use very good English (which I don’t have). Discernment is a must and I say a prayer of protection before any communication goes on. It’s not always the same depends on the matter. When my dad was in the hospital, we left for the night, and at this time my mom/brother told me everything was fine. So I thought nothing of it but had the weird pit of your stomach feeling, I started falling asleep, I opened my eyes because I could feel someone standing they’re, and I felt this energy kneel down beside my bed. You the feeling you get when someone moves it’s their aura. My physical sight kept trying to see (nothing’s there) but my 3rd eye could. He introduced himself as Archangel Asreal – angel of transmutation-convergence to the next world. Sounds like a video game huh 🙂 Well he said very clearly “I’m here for only a short period of time to help you understand your dads transition and he is going to pass soon”. I started crying on the last word he spoke. Saying “when, how, why” he gave me the month “February”.

 

This is difficult to write because I’m not doing this for someone to believe me or not, this is for me. I asked that Angel person, everything, and that Angel kept his word. To be with me all throughout and it still was hard. I’m thankful that Asreal told me the truth when no one else would but I’ve never lost a person before. Only animals and I couldn’t even handle that!! It still seems like it just happened, my dad passed, and while he was their I kept hearing him say “Oh honey don’t cry, I’m here” and I said in my head “I know I can hear you & see you”. And I heard silence. Then I heard my dad speaking to someone and next thing I knew he said “remember to get my guns please”. So I went to get them, my dad loves his gun collection, he always said he would be hurt if someone sold them or fell into the wrong hands. My little family argued, became selfish, and petty with each other. Only my older sis & niece removed themselves like I did. Why stay in that type of atmosphere when your already feeling like shit, me against the world, and fuck them all. When I got home I laid on the couch just distraught, a lady came to my left ear saying “I’ll translate for your dad” and I asked who are you “she said Thomasena your dads mom, since his energy is new he can’t talk to you while your like this but I can”. And she did just that: told me what is happening to him on the “other side”.

 

  • I don’t like that term it’s really another dimension. They show it to new it’s like looking into a puddle of water, the ripples represent the go between, and under the water is another dimension. For example it’s the same way when your thinking of someone and they call you. Or say I was thinking of you to. Or when you know something is wrong with somebody, or what we call “mothers intuition”. It’s exactly EXACTLY the same thing. When you are calm, happy, in a higher vibration, or just relaxing it’s a lot easier to make contact. But when you are any other state besides that ie stress, worry, fear, it’ll take a bit more to get to you.

But this wasn’t any help, I was like take me too, I rather not be here either. Reason I was so mad at the other family members is because they kept withholding information. Why would they do that, it’s not to guard you from pain, that actually did the opposite. Forgiveness work was all I could do from March-June.

 

I don’t know why I’m driven to wrote this…might be this dove who sparked it in me. I will always be on a spiritual path, I can’t say that time is helping me heal from my dads passing, because it’s not. I actually feel even more sadness since it’s seems like everyone wants to do the daddy -daughter thing around me. That piece of yourself will never be the same, of course theives comfort spirit never dies, but the physical is something your used to interacting with. I’m doing my best to continue everyday but it’s not the same. Something in me has changed for the better as I know longer tolerate things I used to, I speak my mind at any an all costs, and I just know that I’m different. Feel like I’ve stopped caring about things I thought mattered dearly but now I see it was a waste of time.

 

“The more energy you spend on the small, or looking behind, you’ll never be able to see the bigger picture ahead”- My Spirit Team

 

I know God has a plan for me, I’m 28 years old now, and I have a lot ahead of me. This blog is a blessing & so are you to me. Thanks for walking this journey with me. Chow!

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